Mariea's story

This story is long, but I don't know how to make it any shorter telling what we went through. Well first off, let me introduce myself :o) Name is Mariea, from Nova Scotia, Canada.

We lost a baby to HELLP almost a year ago due to the fact that my doctor did not see the signs until it was too late. I had two healthy children to a previous marriage, a daughter who is now 9 and son 7 with no complications. In the past two years my boyfriend and I lost two babies. The first one was two years ago April, a boy at 16 weeks, they said it was natural causes and I took their word.

8 months later I was pregnant again !! We were ecstatic !! But at 21 weeks I was rushed by ambulance two hours away. I was having severe pains below my chest. Thinking it was not the baby I tried to wait it out at home thinking the pain would pass,I thought I was just tired from working. Then I blacked out from severe migraines. Still not realizing what was wrong I went to emergency.

They took my vitals and my BP was 220/120, I was about to die. Next I knew I was hooked up to every machine going, cathater inserted and they waited until my pressure was down enough to travel to the hospital by ambulance 2 hours away. I still didn't think anything was going to happen to my baby. When we arrived at the Grave Maternity Hospital they told my doctor to get the hell out of the way they had to try and save my life and the babies. ( I had finally figured out, things must be bad if my doctor had come with me at 4 am) All I said to them was hi and please don't let our baby die, do what you can to save the babies life until I am about to die.

For two days they kept me in a dark room, sticking more needles in me than I could ever imagine and had a BP machine on me going off every 15 min. I was black and blue from the machine and it would stress me out even more every time it went off.

The second day I was there they took us up for and ultra sound and we saw our baby, we found out that the baby was a little girl !! I don't think either of us had ever cried tears of joy like we had that day seeing her alive and kicking. They took a picture of her sucking her thumb. As I layed there , I thought wow she is going to be alright. Little did I know that she had not grown like she should have due to HELLP. The doctor told us that chances of her surviving were slim because I was so sick and needed at least 5 weeks before she would be strong enough to deliver her.

By day 3 I was feeling alot better and they had taken me off the IV and was allowed to get out of bed to get a shower. I was taking meds orally. I spent the day relaxing and visiting with all my friends and family who had travelled 2 hrs to see me. That night around 8 pm when everyone left I got ready for bed, next thing I knew I was having severe pains again and I thought it was my bowels as I had not had a bowel movement in 3 days. At first I would not let my boyfriend buzz the nurse as I was afraid it was the baby, but the pain was different this time.

Blair buzzed the nurse and I told her what was wrong, She said I was probably right and left to get me some meds for it. Before she gave me the meds she told me that she was going to take my pressure first. Next thing I knew there were 5 doctors and 3 nurses standing over me. My BP had shot sky high that quick. I barely remember anything except asking them if I was going to die. The doctor then told Blair and I that they were going to had to get the baby out or I was going to die.

For the next few hours doctors were rushing trying to save my life and all I could do was cry, we were going to loose our little Brianna. Well the next thing I remember was that they were telling me to push, they had induced me and I had blacked out waking up to give birth to our baby.

Brianna Maddison Leil Trenholm was born on May 2,1999 at 5:40 pm weighing 8oz 8 ½ inches long, still born. She had died from all the medications they had given me to save my life. She was so tiny and so perfect, she had my nose, and Blairs hands and feet and dark hair . She was beautiful, We got to hold her for as long as we wanted that night. The nurses were absolutely wonderful. They had dressed her in a tiny pink outfit and bonnet. She was beautiful.

I don't think we will ever get over this,we are so devastated. I was discharged from the hospital 3 days later to bury our daughter. On top of all of this my daughter at home was about to turn 9 on that Saturday. We buried Brianna on Friday, then had my 9 year old party on sat. Arrangements for her party had been made for over a month, if she had of been older things would have been different we could have changed her party to another date. That was the worst week of my entire life.

I always believed that things happen for a reason, but I still can't figure out why god would take two children from us in less than two years. I never knew this until after she was born because as I said I was not coherent at the time of her birth, but Blair had had the tv on before everything started to happen and it was not shut off and as Brianna came into the world the song " In the Arms of an Angel, by Sarah McLachlan was playing. How perfect.

When we had her funeral I wrote a poem for the minister to read about her as I felt no one could ever describe how we felt, only we could and had them play "In the Arms of an Angel" we had bought her the most beautiful pink lace dress with a pink bonnet,white lace stockings, a teddy bear for her to cuddle with, teddy bear receiving blankets and a necklace with her initial on it.

I never realized until then how quick a life could be taken and for what reason I will never know. We now have our special angels watching over us in the sky. About 3 months after we lost Brianna I realized that we had never given our son a name. He was not far along enough for us to be able to bury him and they had never told me what I had had until I went for a check up 3 months later. At the time it had happened I really dint want to know, I just wanted to go home to my children at home. Well we named him Austin Blair Leil Trenholm.

WEll, almost a year has passed and we have decided to try again one more time this summer. Our life is alot more stable now and I just pray to god that all goes well for both baby and I. On top of all the complications that I have to maybe encounter I am also 35 years old. I am really scared, but going to try.

Mariea