Janine's story

Hi my name is Janine I live in Liverpool, England this is my story

September 2000

I started the month by having a holiday to celebrate my 18th birthday at Butlin's in Skegness with my fiancé Danny. We had a great time, although I felt sick and I kept saying I could smell toast although there was no toast.
I thought I might be pregnant and we decided as soon as we got home we would do a test. When we arrived home on the 8th of September, the day before my 18th birthday I then discovered I was pregnant, we felt very excited. The day of my 18th birthday I went out with Danny to Liverpool City Centre I felt unwell and did not drink any alcohol. The next few weeks my hormones acted up and I felt all types of different emotions, one minute crying and being ill vomiting, I also became extremely moody.

Oct 2000

Hormones still all over the place, being sick quite a lot. I have to sleep on the mattress in the living room because my bedroom made me sick for some reason! I STARTED WEARING ACUPUNCTURE wristbands to ease the sickness they didn't really work. Gums bleeding a lot get nosebleeds, also I can't stop weeing, and boobs have gone massive.

November 2000

I had my first scan, the baby was very active and all was well the baby. Starting to show now and I am getting stretch marks on my boobs. I thing the baby might be a girl and I bought pink dungarees, I don't like being pregnant any more, it's scary and I am so sick all the time.

December 2000

I'm really big now, but it's just my belly and my boobs. I went for my second scan on the 28th and discovered my baby is a boy, he looks gorgeous on the scan. I got tears in my eyes when they said it was a boy. First of all I wanted a girl but I was so happy when they told me it was a boy. Danny even saw the wily on the scan. Danny felt the baby kick for the first time, just after midnight on New Year are. He was made up, I think the baby new it was New Year and was saving himself to kick for his dad for the first time. Shortly after that I threw up, baby was too excited.

January 2001

Moved into our new flat, Sickness has finally eased off quite a bit and I am massive now and I get rally bad back ache so bad I cry with it sometimes. Danny looks after me really well. It's snowing quite a lot. Got loads of baby stuff now, and I'm not that scared of giving birth now, just can't wait to have him now. He kicks all the time and plays games with his dad, he even kicked him in the head once. I don't think I can take this pregnant business until May, my body can't take it now.
More near towards the end of January I was at my Nan's home and noticed that my legs has suddenly started to swell, I began to feel scared because I had read about pre-eclampsia in my baby books. I went home and phoned the midwife, she told me not to worry as this was normal and me stupidly did. As the next couple of weeks went by my legs were constantly swollen but I didn't worry because the midwife mad out that it was natural and I was still feeling sick so |I presumed that everything was fine.

February 2001

Starting to feel quite bad now, legs, face and neck all swollen and also everyone keep telling me I look pale. Baby seems to be kneeling on me very low down and this is very uncomfortable for me. I feel like my ribs are crushing me now and I are very uncomfortable. I walk to my Mum's from the flat and my vision went strange, everything was blurry and I could see flashing colours, the baby felt very heavy at the bottom of my tummy. Now I'm starting to think how can I take this pain for another 3 months. As it turned out I didn't have to.

On the 5th of February I called the Doctor out and gave her a list of my symptoms which included dizziness, blurred vision back ache, swollen legs, face and neck, diagraph, vomiting, nose bleeds and basically just not feeling right. The Doctor felt my tummy and said the baby's fine and so am I. I was surprised and thought every pregnant woman must feel like this and I felt like wimp for calling her out that was on the Monday. I decided to stay at my mum's, as I felt so bad by the Wednesday. My mum was in work and Danny had gone to the shops when I started feeling weird kind of spacey, when my mum came in she said that I looked terrible, but I thought she was over reacting as the doctor had said I was fine. My mum phoned the hospital and told them all my symptoms and they told my mum to bring me to the hospital straight away, I was scared but relieved as now I felt the hospital were finally listening to me. When Danny got back from the shops me, Danny and my mum and dad went to the hospital. When we got the a nurse was checking me out, and by this time I felt terrible I even asked the nurse if I could take off my top as I was so hot and I felt I was suffocating but I just put that down to being nervous as I am quite scared of hospitals and needles but looking back now I realise that was totally out of character for me to remove my top in front of a complete stranger, but I felt that hot I had passed caring, it felt like my whole body was throbbing. The nurse put a monitor on my tummy to listen for the baby's heart beat and she said the baby was fine kicking away and she heard his heart beat, how wrong she was. Half an hour later they gave me a scan and the nurse said she was having trouble finding a heart beat and she got another nurse to help her. I wasn't too worried as the first nurse had told me that the baby was fine, so now the two nurses were looking for the heart beat when the said I'm sorry your baby has died and may have been dead for some time.

There I was with my mum and Danny in the room with me, I got a horrible feeling and cried for a minute. We were all in shock I just couldn't believe it. I was examined and they found me to be 1 centimeter dilated I just couldn't believe it. I has no pain just the flashing lights, I was now 30 weeks pregnant. I wanted a caesarian but the midwife soon made me realise that it was a bad idea as they would have to cut through my muscle and as I was only 30 weeks pregnant, I was petrified, all I was thinking was How can I give birth to my baby now he has died, I was scared and I couldn't cope. I soon calmed down and felt very relaxed; I think the baby was with me. Danny was brilliant I just kept on thinking as long as Danny is with me I will be OK. The nurses told me I had pre-eclipse, just what I had suspected weeks ago. But around 10pm the contractions were coming and the were not nice at all, I couldn't stop wriggling around with the pain, and could not get comfy at all, it was then that I asked for an epidural which helped a lot, but I could still feel the contractions, I had to have a catheter which was agony. The midwife gave me Tomazipan to help me sleep, this helped a lot, and I felt really good, calm and dopey. Danny was in the bed with me he felt it all with me I know that. I have a drip and was getting my blood pressure taken every 5 minutes; my arm was killing me in the end. The nurses wouldn't let me eat because I was in labour and I was starving.
By the morning our families new and they came to the hospital. They all had to stay in the waiting room as I was in the final stage of my labour by now. I kept on asking the midwife how long it would be now as I was in a lot of pain. The said the baby should be born by 3pm, this made me feel better. Danny, my mum and Danny's sister Anne-Marie were all in the delivery suite with me trying to make me as comfortable as possible. The all helped a lot. By 2pm the pain was constant and I said I could feel something happening down below, then all of a sudden my waters broke and it hurt a lot. Later on Danny told me he was standing in a pool of it. Minutes later our baby was born at 2.30pm on the 8th of February 2001. I didn't have to push he just fell out, I don't he didn't want to cause me any more pain.

I didn't see him when he was born, as I was scared of what I would see. Shortly after giving birth I threw up and my legs wouldn't stop shaking. I think my body had gone into shock. Later on I seen my son, Danny wheeled me down and we went into the room together and I saw him. Daniel Owen Buckley, he weighed 1lb 11oz, he was perfect just like his dad. It was then I realised I love them more than anything else in the world. He didn't look dead to me, just sleeping. I new he was ok I touched his hand and jumped out of my skin, I don't know why. He looks nothing like me; I don't even now how he came out of me he looks just like Danny. I just hope no matter what, the outcome of our next baby is just like baby Daniel.

Janine