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Linda and Chris's Story 8th February 2002 Chris and I met through the internet 2 years ago. My husband and I had been together for 14 years, in 1995 I got pregnant we both felt the time wasn't right for us, so decided to have a termination. This went ahead on the 1st March , from that moment on things went downhill in our relationship. I felt so guilty because I was married and everyone seems to accept this as part of your relationship so things went from bad to worse , luckily I had a very supportive mum and good friend, Sharon. Anyway as I said before I met Chris and left my husband. It wasn't easy Chris and I hardly knew each other, but we moved in together in the February of 2000. After a few months we decided to try for a baby, by that time I was 38 and was oblivious to any problems I could have. I got pregnant very quickly so by September Rhianna was starting to develop. I went into my pregnancy with diabetes and high blood pressure but thought nothing could go wrong, Although I hadn't known what pregnancy felt like, I always felt like something was not right, I kept asking all my friends how they felt but it was difficult as they had grown up kids and couldn't remember what I was describing, I used to say to Chris it was like I had a big elastic band round my tummy I never knew if this was right or not. I was sent to the Pac in Nottingham as they thought I might be having an ectopic pregnancy, it turned out it wasn't, I felt so relieved from then on I was in their care having scans every two weeks etc. At about 22 weeks the hospital kept me in for observation, but was then allowed home. The following week I was back in and stayed there in those weeks I saw everyone come in - have baby-go home, they had told me by then that I would have a caesarian, I was worried but thought oh well lucky me! At 27 weeks Rhianna (we always called her by her name from when we knew she was a girl) began to get distressed So they decided to do an emergency caesarian, just before they started they told me that they might have to do cross section and I remember thinking at the time oh no they've said it so I'll have to have it (it always happens to me) Rhianna was born on the 10th March weighing 1 lb 15 oz But she was very well. She was transferred over to another hospital, as they didn't have a neonatal cot. I was transferred two days later, by that time I was starting to feel very detached, I went to see her in the neonatal unit and just sat with her, she was doing well and they took her off the ventilator after a while they put her back on as she was getting tired. On the fourth day they told us they were going to try giving her milk intravenously. We were so pleased, I had attempted to use a breast pump and succeeded I was so happy I finally felt like a mum. During the early hours of the 15th March I was woken by extremely bad stomach pains I managed to get myself to the toilet and returned to bed, about two hours later I was woken up but the pediatrician looking after Rhianna, he told me she had had a massive hemorrhage in her lungs, I was in a blur and couldn't take it in, they took me down to her and as soon as I saw her I just knew she wasn't going to survive, she was so white where before she was so pink. By this time Chris had arrived, they asked us if we wanted her baptised, we agreed. This was done and then they asked us if we wanted to hold her, so we did, the only time we ever got to hold her. She died in our arms. I rang my dad in a daze but told them not to come, as there was nothing they could do. Chris rang my friend and told them this was about 5 o'clock in the morning. Sharon and Kevin came and held her then later my mum came she also held her. The nurse took lots of pictures, which at first we thought whoa this isn't right but now im so glad. Looking back I think the stomach pains came on about the same time as Rhianna's hemorrhage. We both have lots of regrets and if onlys. I blamed myself, Chris blamed himself my mum blamed herself because she had been ill and I was stressed. But I know now that it wasn't anybodies fault she just wasn't ready. We had Rhianna buried in our village churchyard on the 21st March it snowed very heavily but Chris managed to carry her coffin we had Chris Rea's song Tell me there's a heaven. David the vicar was so lovely it made it a little easier with his kind words. Today we are still trying to come to terms with it, we miss her so much, we all had so many plans for her. All the people who have wrote in to this page have done so, crying like I am. Linda & Chris In Loving memory of our daughter Rhianna Millicent Alice
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