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Tracy's story August 1999 I had abit of trouble with my periods, I missed three so I went to see my local G.P. She told me that my hormone level was off balance. They did lots of test and said that they was sure if I could have children or not and that they didn't want to say too much on the matter. My doctor want to take a blood test, but I had to come off the pill, so I did so. I felt that I should just leave it as if it happens then it was meant to be, but if I couldn't have children then was meant to be aswell. I come from a large family with two brothers and two sisters and all have children expect one. So it was hard seeing these little children that maybe I couldn't have. But I just excepted it and got on with my life. In the October 1999 I started seeing Lloyd. He wasn't the best boyfriend you can have but he made me laugh and he was there for me when I needed him. In the following August we slit up as I found out that I wasn't the only person he was with and that he had told me a lot of lies. I just thought to myself another one. After a couple of weeks after we meet up and that was when Joshua was conceived. I was due on my period on the 2nd September 2000 but nothing, then I knew I was pregnant. I just tried to forget about it, but couldn't and my sister said 'I bet your pregnant" I just laughed and said don't be silly. They following week I went to see my G.P. and told her I was just over a week late, she then did a test and I had to go back in a week. I went back in a week and she told me that I was pregnant and worked it to seven and half weeks pregnant and I was due on May 13th. I just cried, and said what I'm I going to do. The next step was to tell my partner and parents as I was still living with them. And I no that they wouldn't be happy one bit. On the same day I told my partner, he just said what are you going to do, you can't keep it, I just agreed. But inside I wanted this baby more than anything in the world, now to face my parents. I told my mother first who wasn't happy one bit then my father who didn't talk to me, so I decided to have an abortion, I booked it all with the hospital and was due to go in on the 16th December 2000. At this time my family wasn't taking to me or my partner as he wanted to keep the baby deep down, But I made up my mind. I love my family very much and didn't want to hurt them. I arrived and the hospital with everything going through my mind. By this time my baby was moving inside, was this a sign for me to keep the baby, I was at working at the time so my manager came with me for the extra support. But I couldn't go through with taking this tablet which made me miscarriage. Time went on and people started to accept the idea that I was going to
be a mum. I was really looking forward to the idea of having a little
child calling me mum. On the 6th January I had swelling, bad headaches and problems with my speech, so my mother took me to hospital where a nurse checked me over and told me to see a doctor in clinic the following week. I see the doctor the following week who couldn't work out why this was happening and told me to see another doctor. The following week it happened again but the other doctor couldn't work out what was happening either. So he just put me on antidepressants. Everytime I had those attacks the doctor put the dosages up. My bloodpressure went up a little but nothing to worry about, well that's what they to me, I was going to hospital every week for my checks, still telling them about my symptoms and started to get belly ache. I had to get have a brain scan as the doctors couldn't make out why this was happening, but it came back clear. On Wednesday the 28th March 2001 was my 21st birthday that evening I
swelled up twice as bad as I had before, I just rest, as I see the doctor
two days before. They did find a trace of protein but didn't say anything
else about it. I phoned my local hospital to tell them that I was coming down, it took me 15 minutes to get through on the phone when I did get through I told the midwife my symptoms and she told me to wait a week to see my midwife but I had never been under a midwife. (So I had never had all my checks, blood test, advice). The midwife ended the call by putting the phone down on me. By this time I was very stressed and frightened what I should do. My mother said that this wasn't right and phone my local G.P. I arrived at the local G.P. about ten minutes later I was straight in where I see my Doctor. She carried out all the checks and couldn't find my baby's heartbeat. I had four pluses of protein in my urine, my blood pressure was 184/110 and the oblique was free. The doctor then told me that I had Pre-eclampsia, that was the first time I have ever heard of this thing. Hearing that the doctor couldn't find my baby's heart beat was the worst thing I have ever heard. By the time I got to hospital my blood pressure was still going up as I was very distressed. They did a ultrasound to confirm no fetal heartbeat, then turn round and said to my mother that she anticipated this. As you can image how I felt at this point, losing my baby then getting the blame for it. When they didn't care much when putting the phone down on me. The doctors took me to the theater room, as my blood pressure was still rising they wanted to give me an emergency caesarian. I just wanted to go home and be with my son. But they said I would get over it quicker if I deliver the baby naturally. From then on there was doctors and nurses all over me drip in my arms taking blood. From then on I can't remember much, my mother and sister was with me all the time, they started me off about 11pm and I gave birth to my son at 9:58am Saturday morning, they said I was very lucky to have made it through the night, I do believe that it was the tables that I was on that saved my life. The sun was shinning and West Ham was playing and lost. I named him Joshua Lloyd Hamilton. Joshua weighed 3lb 12oz and was 42.5cm long. His father was not there as I couldn't get in touch with him, so he didn't know have what I had. I spent the whole day with him, I was the first one to hold him but couldn't dress him as I had wires coming out of both arms. That was the worst day of my life but the best day and I would do it all again for him. I was kept on a ward with mothers and new babies so it was there in my face everyday. After 7 days they let me out of hospital We buried Joshua on the 19th April which felt like the worst day of my life, I had close friends and family around me which made it extra special. Weeks after I took and overdose, where it had hit me more than before. All I wanted was to be with my son Joshua. Now I have recovered from the Pre-eclampsia and starting to rebuild my life I will never forget Joshua for one moment. I go to the cemetery every Sunday to place flowers and make sure the grave is looking nice. I'm just taking it day by day as I'm told time is a great healer. But that time sure goes slow. I'm also in the process of finding out what happened and why.
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